Update On Me - Not Pretty

I tell you, I've not updated in awhile because so much has been going on. As most of you know, I've suffered from depression and recently my medicine stopped working and my doctor and I were trying to find a new one that would work. We were having no luck whatsoever. So while on a med (and slowly increasing dosage) hoping this one would work, I decided to try therapy. Barely into the first assessment she informs me she thinks I am Bi-polar and not chronic depressive. She said my irritability (I've been such a joy to be around ) and my excessive spending (to the point I had to come off our checking account because I've put us in debt) and the fact that my anti-depressants keep stop working are all signs of Bi-polar. Also, I had been sinking fast, and was cycling from depression (uncontrolable crying, rage, feelings of worthlessness, and just no motivation to leave my chair) are all also markers for Bi-polar. Well I already had an appointment that Friday with my psychatrist and I told her I would speak with him about it. If you don't know, they mainly diagnose you then just make sure your medicines are working. When mine were, I'd only see him 2x's a year. I told him what the therapist said, and all my new symptoms (most had developed since our last appointment) and he completely agreed with her. One of the reasons I love him to death, he has no problem listening to others opinions, be it mine or others in his field and he has no problem admitting when he's wrong. He said I am what is considered "mixed Bi-polar or Bi-polar II". It's near the same as Bi-polar I but I don't have the hypo-mania that is associated with it. My mania's are the spending and the irriability were the replacements of the hypo-mania. And come to find out, you might feel better for a bit on anti-depressants but ultimately, they actually aggrivate the symptoms of Bi-polar. So I am completely off them and on a mood stabilizer. However I am having to start out on a very low dosage and slowly increase. My doctor has put me on Lamictal. Hopefully when we reach the right dosage, it will work. Or I will have to start over with a new medicine. He also put me on Serequel (even though it's an anti-psychotic, and he swears I'm not psychotic lol, he said it would help with the irriability. For a long time it didn't but I've had to up that too. Well I've actually had a couple of good days, should have known it wouldn't last. I had also gotten a job, it was part-time but came with insurance and paid well with awesome future opportunities. Well I get up today and and first, it's circus week at day camp so I am trying to do an intricate face painting Bella had picked out on a half asleep cranky kid, then she decides not to wear the rest of the clown stuff we put together/bought just for her. She was too afraid she'd be laughed at. I guess having spent so much time in the system she has very low self-esteem. She didn't care if people thought the outfit was good, she was scared they would be laughing at her and not the costume. So she refused the clown glasses outright and in the car decided to take down the hair I had done, and it wasn't easy (it wasn't just a clown wig, I put it together) and took off the giant tie and only kept the face paint. Well I did tell her (comfortingly) that she needs to learn not to worry about what others think, that she should just have fun with her costumes but that it was also her decision and I wouldn't force her to wear what she didn't want to and nor would I be mad. So she stripped it all but the face paint. Ok, annoying going thru all that work but ok. Then I call to set up my next training session and they tell me they aren't going to follow thru and hire me. I took the inectivie to ASK for extra training instead of just waiting for the scheduled training sessions, so I could get a jump on things and had one and had set another. I had to cancel that one to take Bella to the doc. Well because of that they said thanks but no thanks!! And once again, the woman who hired me, didn't even have the decency to do it herself, had one of her staff do it. Again, this was EXTRA training I'd asked for!! So there goes my job. I am barely holding it together today. I just want to cry. But I have a doctor appointment soon for my back, which I am sure they are going to be able to do nothing about. Everything about this day is starting to go wrong. Looks like me and my college degree will be working for McDonalds, which is going to be even better for my back. Well know that I have finished my novel, I will let you all to it. Pray hard for me. Espcially after today, and it's not even NOON yet!!

Life is crazy!

Wow it has been insane at my house. Reason why I've been gone for so long is due to everything going on. My husbands dad just isn't doing well at all. There is nothing they can do for the cancer and he came very close to dying. He's seems to have some strength back but there is nothing they can do but make the time he has left comfortable. We've spent a lot of time out at the hospital. I come and go as I can because our daughter is only 6 she isn't allowed on the floor he's on. Although they did make an exception for us once so she could give him a drawing and say goodbye. At that point we really thought it wouldn't be much longer. But he's doing a little better now. He'll have his ups and downs. Then my husband took the day off to visit his father and he had woken up sick that morning. Our nephew (whom we have guardianship of) was there too and I get a call from him that my husband had passed out and hit his head and was in the ER. I got a hold of the nurse at the ER and they transfered me to his room and I actually got to talk to him. They had him in a bed with a saline IV. Apparently he'd gotten really dehydrated. And came down with a full on case of the flu. Not a cold, but the flu. He's actually not really left the bed for the past 2 days. He seems a bit better today, but now I think I am getting sick, figures huh LOL. I've been run ragged.

On the flip side I do have a job interview on Friday so say a little prayer for me on that one. I think it would be a good job. It would be working for my local DSS and helping people get food stamps.

And our beautiful daughter has decided on her new name. Rosabella Jade - and she decided on Rosabella because she can have a variety of nicknames...LOL. She likes Bella, Bell, Ro, Rosa and Rosie. What can I say, she likes options..lol. We've basically been calling her Bella, when we remember. And it should be official (adoption/name change) by the end of this month or beginning of next, or at least that's what they've told us.

I have started crocheting too and am making some pretty cute stuff. You can check out the few things I've posted at a new store called pinkdoodle and it's: www.pinkdoodle.com/debtybeautifulbeads
I'll still list some on my etsy account too www.debtybeautifulbeads.etys.com
I'll be posting a lot more stuff in the next couple of days so keep checking back!

Sorry I've Been MIA

Hiya everyone. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I've had a really bad last 2 weeks. First, the adoption committee decided not to meet this month, so we have to wait another month. Ok, disappointing but hey, we've waited this long what's another 30 days, right. Then I get called in for a job interview for a full time teacher's aid, interview goes really well. Get a call from the principal saying I didn't get the job. However, he was so impressed with my interview he contacted other schools to let them know about me and if they needed someone they needed to definitely interview me. Ok so that's cool, disappointed about the job but at least he's putting my name out there. Then, on my way to take my daughter to the dentist, I get pulled for speeding. Was I? Probably a little bit, as much as he said, probably not. He was going the other direction with traffic AND a median inbetween us. He turned around and pulled me. Admitted I wasn't speeding then but when I passed him going the other way he "felt" I was so he wrote me a ticket. Ok, upset about that but luckily I am still on good terms with my co-workers from being a paralegal for so long so the attorney I worked for last is handling it for me, for free. Will he get it thrown out, I don't know. But at the very most I'll pay a fine but he can get it reduced so there will be no points on my license and it won't affect our insurance. And now, for the biggie. The one with no silver linning. Yesterday I stayed home, my daughter wasn't feeling well and I called into my part-time job, then at the last minute she decides she wants to go to school. Well I decided to go ahead and stay home and work on finishing up for Christmas. I go out and do some shopping and am home working on stuff and get a call from my bank and found out I was scammed/conned out of $3,500!!!!!!!!!! I had a big sale that I was so proud of and it turned out to be a scam. And apparently a fairly common one. I was contacted on Facebook and this guy said he was a buyer for someone else and placed a $147 order. I was so excited. Now I only take paypal and bank checks, well the check his "client" sent my was a "business" check and I thought it was a bank check, so I cashed it, kept my part, then wired the "middle man" the rest (who's in another country), I wasn't thinking anything bad....I thought it was a cashiers check so I was safe from fraud and I guess I am just a little too trusting. Well I got a call yesterday from my bank that it was a business check, the account is closed, and I owe the bank $3,500 now. They were very understanding and were the first ones to tell me I was scammed. I had to take out a LOAN to pay it back, the bank officer is being really nice and making my first payment not due until the last day of January. In the meantime, basically there is going to be nothing anyone can do, but I did fill out a complaint online last night with the FBI, I will contact my local sheriff's department and consumer agencies and such, but realistically, I'll never see that money. I have been so upset and just can't shake it. I am going to call work today and take the rest of the week off, only reason I can AFFORD to is I am still collecting unemployment from my last job and it will cover me not working. I just feel so stupid. Thank God my husband is being VERY understanding and doesn't even blame me, but I blame me enough for the both of us...and then some. So now I need to make some money to start paying off this loan. I am going to re-post all my items I thought sold back on my etsy shop today with all the other stuff I have and if anyone needs anything at all, PLEASE visit my shop. In despiration I am marking everything 15% off. I really need some help.

http://www.debtybeautifulbeads.etsy.com/