More Bad Days

Well my luck is just not getting any better and I'm not handling all this so well. Yesterday my daughter was out of school for the holidays and my nephew (whom we have legal guardianship of) had half a day. At one point and time I was going to go pick him up from school, then my husband was talking about picking him up and I didn't remember what we'd decided. This was about 11:30am. Now keep in mind we had moved earlier this year but we didn't make him change schools, we got permission for him to keep going to the same school so he wouldn't have to uproot all his friends. Besides, my husband still works in Sylva anyways so he usually picks him up after he gets off work. Kennen just usually hangs out with his friends until then (he's 15 yrs old). Well I call Mark and he said no, that they were going to pick him up from home to take him to Andrews (where his grandparents (Mark's parents) and his brother and his mom (in a nursing home) all live). We let him go over often and on holidays stay for several days. So it usually takes about a good 20-30 mins to get to where I need to go and I'm still in my pj's. So I jump up and tell Nevada we need to hurry up and get dressed and get out of the house and go get Kennen. Well this child typically HATES going anywhere. So she starts throwing a huge fit, I'm trying to get us both dressed and out of the house and she's throwing a fit and we are running so late. As we are going down our driveway (we have at the bottom of the hill a large iron gate that we just keep propped open) well I was arguing with Nevada, trying to get her to calm down, thought I had room, I didn't...side swiped the van on the iron gate . I completely tore off the passenger side mirror, dented in the passenger side door (can't open it now, not really anyway...have to slam the door really hard to get it to close if you do get it open) and huge scratches and dents down the side of the van. I really don't know how much more I am going to be able to handle. My husand is the most awesome man in the world, he wasn't mad at all, but I still feel like he should be. Both the kids spent the night with friends last night so instead of us having a nice relaxing night at home, just the 2 of us (which is so rare) we fought. And it was all my fault. My depression is kicking in with all that's happened and my meds aren't working right as is (working to find the right one with my doc now) so I just sunk into a deep depression and just told him he should leave me, I destroy everything I touch....just sunk really low. He hates it when I get like that (which isn't often) but he doesn't really know how to handle it. So he got mad and told me he wasn't going anywhere, it was my decision if I wanted to leave, which of course I don't and of course I never will. But I was just so upset, this was just the last straw and I just fell apart. So then I get mad and jumped in the van and went for a drive. Crying my eyes out. Mark doesn't handle it well as I said when the few other times I've sunk this low. So I was gone about 30mins just driving around and crying. He never called. I get home and he was in bed asleep, which of course just made me feel even worse. So basically I sat up most of the night, miserable, hating myself, and crying. Then felt so guilty I just slept in the living room in my chair. So now not only am I responsible for paying back the scam I was suckered into, now we have to come up with the money to fix the van, and of course I've also over spent our account on Christmas. So needless to say I am not in the Christmas spirit at all this year. I am miserable. Mark just left to go pick up Nevada, gave me a kiss and left. He's the type of person, once a fight's over, he's fine and just goes on about like everything is ok. Me, on the other hand, feel absolutely worse today then yesterday. Luckily I do have a doc appt on the 3rd about my depression. The med I was before did work but stopped a few months ago. So I've been working with my doc to try and find a new med and dosage that will. So with all the things that have happened lately and my depression being off, I am just not handling well all the trials that are coming my way. Please pray for me and my family, that we can get thru all this.

To help and try and raise some money I am going to mark everything in my store 15% off with free domestic shipping and half off international shipping. So please come by and take a look. I have several things I need to add so keep checking back, I will be doing that here in just a little while.

www.debtybeautifulbeads.etsy.com